Ok, All you Mommas out there..... How do you feel when your child thinks that they can outsmart you?
Sunday night, my husband and I were relaxing in the living room when my phone rings (enter Jaws theme song here). It is one of my teenage daughter's friends (who happens to be my best friend's daughter) telling me that my daughter had asked her to call her using my phone. No problem, right? Until I ask the dreaded question,
"Oh, ya'll were emailing back and forth?".....
"No. We were tweeting.", she says.
"Ummm.... She has Twitter?" I asked. (Poor girl. She thought she got my daughter in trouble. Oh no..... My daughter got her self into all kinds of trouble!)
So, I get off the phone, go into my teen's room and proceed to go through her computer. Now, mind you, the Twitter and Skype accounts that she set up without my knowledge upset me but really weren't the issue. I mean, how many times did I do stuff behind MY parents backs as a teenager? Geez, I cringe at the thought.....
As I am going through her emails tho, I find some startling information..... emails between her and a boy (again insert Jaws theme music here). I don't know which of us freaked out more initially: my teen, my husband, or me. My little baby girl was emailing with a BOY!!! NO!!!!!! This isn't supposed to happen yet! But then I think about it...... she's almost 14. Duh. It's gonna happen. (This is where I'm sure my parents are laughing their butts off right about now...... that whole parental curse thing.)
So, as a responsible parent, I facebook stalk the kid to find out who his parents are and then google them to find out how to contact them (something about contacting via Facebook made me cringe too). I feel like this is definitely one of those times where the parents need to get involved.... just so that we know what our kiddos are doing!!
But the funny part about all of this is that my sweet, wonderful, loving teenage daughter apparently thought that I wouldn't notice that she can get online with her Kindle! (Her computer has been taken away for quite a while.... now ALL of her electric items have been pulled from her desperate grasp).
I honestly think that its a little bit funny how she seems to think that she can outsmart me. I know that I probably felt the same way about my parents at that age. I know that its perfectly normal to do the things she is doing. I know that she is just being a curious teenage girl.... who thinks she can get away with things because she is so much smarter than her momma and daddy. This I laugh at. Ha Ha Ha (think Simba in the Lion King: "I laugh in the face of danger! HA HA HA! -and then the hyenas come laughing out after him.....)
So, after all this, Mommas out there..... what is your opinion on teenagers thinking that they can outsmart their parents? Do you punish outright or do you get creative? Do tell!
Do you punish a child for being a child? For being exactly like you when you were the same age? Moderation is the key, pick your fights! What really pushes your buttons? That she was chatting/tweeting/emailing a boy? Or that she did it behind your back? Could she have asked you and been allowed the contact? My 15 yr old son once told me...."it's got to be hard to realize that you can't control my behavior.....if I don't choose to behave there's really nothing you can do about it....that's got to be tough!" He wasn't being a smart-ass, he was waxing philosophical...and he was right! I had to help this young man -- want to behave for himself and not to please me, not in fear of me but because the things I wanted him to do were the right things. Parenting is not easy, sometimes it's not fun. Our job is to love them, teach them and guide them - ultimately, they are in control of their actions, good or bad, right or wrong - hopefully they learn to make the right choices.
ReplyDelete......I'm just saying
Well, honestly, I both punish and get creative. In this instance, again, I did both. Did I punish her for being a child? No. She is actually a very good kid. She is just being a teenager (and, in reality, she is probably a better teenager than I was!).... with that being said, I think that you are absolutely correct. Our job is to teach them, love them and guide them. And in teaching them, part of that is having consequences for actions.
ReplyDeleteI look at it like this:
Even though she was going behind her parents' backs, she was also asserting her independence (which is a sign of growing up). We all did this.... by making mistakes and learning from them. So, in this way, it is a good thing. But, as I said before, there are also consequences for our actions. And I believe that part of teaching and guiding our children is enforcing those consequences.
In answer to your question tho, the thing that was "pushing my buttons" wasn't as much that she went behind my back (I expect that from any teenager.... well, any kid for that matter). But it was that she put herself in possible danger. I'm sure she didn't even think of this danger as even a possibility but regardless, it was there (in making plans to meet with this boy when parents weren't around. What happens if this, or another boy in the future, doesn't take no for an answer?). This is the main thing that pushed my buttons and what the majority of the focus ended up being on.
I understand that that I cannot control my kids actions. No parent can. No matter how hard we try. And frankly, I feel that the more that we do try to control them, the more they feel they must show us that THEY are the ones in control. This has been, by far, the hardest lesson I have had to learn as a Momma.
Oh and in answer to your other question, if she had asked me about having a Twitter account, I probably would have been okay with it, as I was about to let her reactivate her Facebook (and she knew this). As far as emailing with the boy goes, I'm honestly not sure how I would have reacted if she had come to me about it. I definitely am more okay with her "having a boyfriend" than her Dad is (although definitely not going on dates yet).... I think I would have probably been okay with it as well, as long as I was able to monitor is regularly. There are some things that are flat out not okay for 13 year olds to be talking about (in my opinion).
Thank you for the input! It definitely gives me more to think about! :-)